


The One Where Patrick and Jonny are Just Friends

by whydisignuponthisgodforsakensite (AndrAIa_Matrix)



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-01 13:24:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2774621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndrAIa_Matrix/pseuds/whydisignuponthisgodforsakensite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ficlets based on the idea that for Jonny and Patrick, hockey is the most important thing in their lives - and that includes their girlfriends - but they associate playing hockey with playing together.</p><p>Basically,<br/>hockey > girlfriend<br/>hockey = Jonny/Kaner</p><p>Therefore,<br/>Jonny/Kaner > girlfriend</p><p>(Title based on a Friends episode)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In which Jonny has a one-track mind and Lindsey gets frustrated

The opening strains of Anaconda float through the air. Lindsey begins to undulate in front of Jon, rotating her hips rhythmically. His hands come up to cup her ass, pulling her closer to him. Her crotch brushes against the growing bulge in his pants.

"You know," Jon speaks loudly over the music, "this is a lap dance."

Lindsey pauses her motions for a second and purses her lips. “Uhh…yeah, baby, that was the point.”

She resumes her movement, displaying her breasts enticingly in front of his face.

"Kaner didn’t give me a lap dance. You know at the convention? People were saying the Kaner Shuffle he did was a lap dance. TSN even talked about it in an interview.”

"Sure, baby. You’re totally right," she tries to placate him. "Now how about we get back to the actual lap dance that’s trying to happen right now?”

Jon seems to realize what she’s doing and his eyes are drawn to the breasts swaying in front of him. He sweeps his hands from her ass, up her sides to cup her breasts. She shoots him a sultry grin and grinds down against his erection. 

"Wouldn’t it be kind of funny, though, if he did give me a lap dance at the next convention? Really weird, of course, but kind of funny as well."

Lindsey sighs and plops down on the couch next to him.

"Since this clearly isn’t working for you right now, how about you text Kane about it? You can plan out your moonwalk shuffle lap dance together."

"No, Linds, I wasn’t seriously saying that Kaner should give me a lap dance - I was just kidding."

"Well, if you -"

Lindsey is interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. Well, speak of the devil. She rolls her eyes; since the doorman hadn’t called up, she has three guesses as to the identity of their visitor, and the first two don’t count.

Jon doesn’t make a move to answer the door, so she gets to her feet. Before she takes two steps, she hears a key turning in the lock and the door opens.

"Since when do you have a key?" she demands.

"Well, hi to you, too," Kane drawls back. "Hey, Jonny."

"Kaner! We were just talking about you," Jon says with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm also on Tumblr as whydisignuponthisgodforsakensite - come chat!
> 
> I'd really like to hear what people think. I'm a huge Jonny/Kaner shipper and for the most part don't read anything other than Kane/Toews. It hurt my heart that this idea even occurred to me to write, since I tend to ignore their real-life situation...
> 
> This was kind of a compromise, keeping their girlfriends but having them love each other the most. I understand that it's probably a compromise that doesn't work for many people.


	2. In which Lindsey, Dan and Amanda find Jonny and Patrick to be ridiculous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can see the post on tumblr instead for embedded images that go along with it: http://whydisignuponthisgodforsakensite.tumblr.com/post/105205569777/in-which-lindsey-dan-and-amanda-find-jonny-and

_theyre doing it again :(_ she texts Dan.

_doin wat?_

_getting absorbed in eachother, ignoring evry1 else around them aka me :/_

_I told u, u just get use to it_ he replies a few minutes later.

_u free to talk?_

_yup call me_

"I’ll be back in a few minutes, boys," Lindsey says, receiving a distracted nod from Jon as he otherwise listens intently to Kaner. She walks out to the balcony, presses call and waits for Dan to pick up.

They had bonded on the bus during the parade the previous year, and then later at several of the bars - especially while watching the spectacle that her boyfriend and his teammate put on. She still didn’t understand why Jon felt the need to pour beer directly into Kane’s open mouth, or dump champagne over his head in a move reminiscent of a grade four student teasing the girl he likes. 

While commiserating with Dan, she felt she finally had the best friend seal of approval on her relationship with Jonny. Perhaps due to that, she and Jonny had begun hanging out with him more often, especially since Jon invited Dan to Chicago a few times a year.

————————————————————————————————————————-

She, Jon and Dan were sitting in the back of the bus, Jon waving to the crowds, when a reporter asked if Jon had a minute.

"Sure," he said easily. 

Dan moved to the right to give them space to film. Lindsey listened to the first question. 

“You’re pretty good balancing all this stuff and keeping your balance here,” the reporter said, nodding to the Stanley Cup and the Selke trophy in Jon’s arms. “What’s the ride like, this time around?” 

The corners of Jon’s lips twitched up in an involuntary grin. Lindsey smiled seeing it. While she sometimes (often) got the feeling that hockey came first in Jon’s heart - and it was hard sometimes not to resent that - it was nice, seeing him this happy.

"It is a little heavy. Last time I had Kaner to help me out a little bit. This time I have to handle it myself.”

Lindsey swallowed. Oh. So she and Dan weren’t good enough, it seemed. Kane was on Jon’s mind - not how happy he was to be here, to be with his girlfriend and his best friend.

"They put you on separate buses?" the reporter prodded.

"Yeah," Jon chuckled. "Things got out of hand last time - Kaner is a bad influence.” His grin widened. “I’m just kidding. It was my idea for Kaner to give me the beer. But anyway, we have bigger entourages this year, so it made sense to take two buses. Plus, the other guys chirped us a bit about 'preferential treatment': why should it be the Captain and Kaner and not the alternates, too? But Kaner won the Conn Smythe so he would deserve to be with the Cup.”

"But you miss him?" the reporter persisted.

"Nah," Jon waved it off. "I can get by without him for the parade. Why would I miss him when I’ve got my best bud and my girlfriend here with me?" He nodded over at them, but the words still sounded hollow to Lindsey.

Nevertheless she smiled at the reporter. It didn’t seem like the best moment to call Jon out in the middle of the parade.

But when would be the best moment? she mused later on as she watched Jon spray Kane with champagne. How do you ask your boyfriend if he’s in love with his teammate?

"They’re funny, aren’t they?"

Lindsey jumped at the voice, pressing a hand to her chest as she realized it was Dan.

"I was there for the beginning of it. We were on the Winnipeg Junior Jets and we went to Edmonton for a tournament. Jon was…something else,” Dan said in admiration. “But still, we weren’t able to beat the Philadelphia Junior Flyers. They had a player named Pat Kane, and to hear Jonny talk about it, Patrick single-handedly won the game for them. He couldn’t stop talking about him. And apparently it was mutual; the following year, Jon got invited to join the Junior Flyers for a summer tournament because Patrick kept gushing about Jonny to everyone over there.”

Lindsey stood there, blinking slowly. “I didn’t realize they had known each other that long.”

"Yeah, they kept in and out of touch over the years; faced each other in a couple of international tournaments."

"Ah. And are they…" she trailed off. "Have they, you know…" 

Dan threw his head back and laughed. “I think I get what you’re asking, but shouldn’t you know this? You’re dating Jon. He’s into women, you know.”

Lindsey huffed and rolled her eyes. “Of course I know that. But he can be into men, too, you know. I was with a couple of women when I was younger, even though I’m with Jon now. Bisexuality is real, and people also experiment.”

Dan looked skeptical.

Lindsey continued hotly, “Yes, I know women are more fluid sexually, but don’t be so narrow-minded.”

"I’m not!" he protested. "I just think if Jon were interested in men, he would’ve mentioned something to me, his best friend, at some point over our lives."

"So he hasn’t? Said anything about Kane, that is?" she questioned.

"He’s said a lot about Kane in the past 13 years, but he’s never talked about wanting to bang him."

Lindsey pursed her lips. “They don’t make sense to me,” she admitted.

"They don’t make much sense to me, either," Dan offered.

"Like, Jon and I don’t spend time with Kane and his girlfriend. We don’t double date or hang out together. Whatever it is they have, it’s not like his other friendships. Jon and I spend time with his other friends. Kane is in some weird category and I don’t even know how to explain it. They’re intensely close but not…at least, not when I’m around."

"They’re the only two who are going to understand what they have together. I’ve learned to accept it, and not to be jealous."

————————————————————————————————————————-

Later that night, Lindsey stood with Dan, watching Kane and her boyfriend again. Kane was helping Jon drink from the Stanley Cup now. He was gazing at Jon with such a fond expression that Lindsey would have thought they were a couple if she didn’t know them. Jon stood up and helped Kane drink, and the expression on his face was even more sappy, if that was possible. 

Andrew Shaw approached them, and Kane held the Cup for Andrew as he drank - standing much further away than he had been from Jon. Lindsey’s eyes narrowed. 

Jon fiddled with his phone for a moment, then glanced around the room; Lindsey waved, giving him a small smile. He waved back and ambled over to her and Dan, snagging a beer along the way.

"Hey!" Jonny called, draping his arms over their shoulders. A photographer approached them and motioned with his camera, so they turned to pose for the picture.

"Having fun?" Dan asked, slapping Jon’s stomach.

"Winning never gets old," Jon enthused. "Especially after such an intense year! The lockout, and Kaner in Switzerland, then our streak at the start of the year, and the media making a big deal of my goal competition with Kaner, then the playoffs - and Kaner winning the Conn Smythe! I fucking knew that would happen."

"Wow, Jon, that is an…intense year…full of ‘Kaner,’" Lindsey observed.

"I know!" he exclaimed. "And I actually saw a bit less of him than normal. You know that we’re no longer roommates because of the new agreement."

"Huh? You aren’t? I’m sure that I’ve heard his voice in the background when you phone me before bed."

Jon shrugged. “Well, we have rooms next to each other, and once in a while we open the connecting door and hang out.”

Lindsey snorted. Once in a while. Who was he trying to kid? 

"I’m sure I’ve heard his voice more than ‘once in a while,’" Lindsey protested, poking his bicep. 

"Eh, what can I say," Jon shrugged again. "Hotel rooms can get boring sometimes and you need company."

"As long as it’s not female company…" Lindsey muttered.

"What? No! Are you saying that I’m cheating on you?" Jon demanded.

"Only with Patrick," Lindsey sighed, rolling her eyes.

Jon’s mouth dropped open. An incredulous chuckle escaped.

"Are you implying…" The chuckle turned into a guffaw. "Kaner!"

Kane suddenly seemed to materialize, summoned by Jon’s call, with Amanda on his heels.

"Kaner, this is hilarious," Jon started. Then - "No, Linds, you tell him. No wait, I will."

"Jon," Lindsey interrupted, exasperated. "I wasn’t being serious."

"Oh no, Jonny, she was joking and you couldn’t tell?" Kane said with a grin, eyes sparkling. "Don’t live up to Captain Serious, please. I thought we changed that. Now what was this joke that you thought was true?" 

"Oh my god!" Lindsey cut in. "I said that he’s cheating on me with you, because you’re both so ridiculous!"

Jon’s eyes twitched over to Kane’s, and as soon as they connected, both men burst into laughter. 

"You’re not helping your case," Lindsey commented snidely.

"She bought into the media hype," Kane said, which set them off again.

"What’s going on, Patrick? I don’t understand," Amanda finally interrupted.

"Basically," Jon began, "Kaner’s got a dick. And it’s a perfectly nice one, but I don’t want it in me."

"What’s the difference between my finger and his dick?" Lindsey wondered. "Why does it matter what’s going up your ass?" Of course she knew the difference between having sex with a woman and a man, but she felt reckless, trying to provoke him into saying…something.

"Lindsey!" Jon said sharply, brows drawing down and a frown settling on his features.

"My dick would wreck Jonny," Kane said, staring down - ugh, at Jon’s ass. Seeing Kane show possible appreciation of Jon’s ass made her feel like curling a hand over it possessively and growling ‘mine.’ 

Kane continued, “You’re honestly comparing your stubby finger to the magnificence that is my dick? Amanda, tell her.”

Amanda froze like a deer in headlights, unused to the attention on her. “Uhhh…it can be uncomfortably large. I assume it would be painful for…uh…him to take.”

"Hey! I could handle it!"

"Oh my god, Jonny!" Kane chortled. "You’re so competitive. You don’t need to defend yourself; you’re arguing the wrong point."

"Still…" Jon grumbled. "I could. Don’t tell me I can’t do something."

"But Jon, it’s not something you even want to do," Lindsey tried to point out. How the fuck did this even start. Her boyfriend was so ridiculous.

"Don’t worry, Jonny, I believe you," Kane reassured him, clasping Jon’s hand and squeezing it.

Lindsey could see Amanda staring wide-eyed at her boyfriend, so she moved over and placed her hand on the other woman’s arm.

"Are you all right?"

"What are they… Are they… Have they… you know?" Amanda stuttered out. "I thought Patrick was straight."

Dan walked over. “He is. They both are. Dan,” he introduced himself, holding his hand out to shake. “I’m Jon’s best friend.”

"They’re just weird. Apparently you get used to it," Lindsey sighed. 

"Why didn’t I know about this?" Amanda questioned herself. "Where have they been hiding this?"

"Well, the four of us don’t seem to hang out, so we never see them together," Lindsey pointed out. 

"We’re not together," Jon insisted. 

"You didn’t even hear the whole -" Lindsey began. 

"Oh!" Kane jumped in. "Seguin had the coolest way to describe us! We were talking in Switzerland and he said someone mentioned it online, but I forgot to tell you until now. So apparently we’re ‘hockey soulmates’! Not like romantic soulmates, but soulmates for hockey!"

He beamed at Jonny, who beamed right back.

"This is getting weirder and weirder," Dan murmured to Lindsey and Amanda.

"So you’re soulmates?" Amanda cried out.

"But not for romance," Jon clarified.

"Look," Kane huffed, grabbing Jon’s jaw with both hands. He planted an enthusiastic kiss right on Jon’s lips. After several seconds, they separated.

"See? No chemistry," Jon said, staring at Kane.

"That’s why we’re partners on the ice, not in the sack," Kane joked, grinning at Jon. 

"You and Patrick just kissed. On the mouth," Dan said numbly.

"So? Sharpy and Brow did it last time after we won the Cup. It’s normal,” Jon explained. 

Amanda shuddered. “Eww. You’re washing out your mouth before I kiss you again.”

Lindsey frowned. Kane could do better than a homophobic girlfriend. She pulled Jon’s mouth to her lips and kissed him, before pushing him away. “Eww. You’re right, Amanda…I think I could taste Kane…” She wrinkled her nose. “That was a stupid decision.”

"What’s wrong with the way I taste? Amanda, Jonny, tell her!"

"There’s nothing offensive about the way he tastes," Jonny jumped in before Amanda. "I’m sure women find it a perfectly acceptable taste."

"Let the woman speak, then," Lindsey said through a clenched-teeth smile. 

"Thanks, man," Kane said, giving Jon a fist bump.

"That was a prime opportunity for chirping," Dan commented. "What a waste, buddy. Do I even know you any more?" He clapped Jon on the shoulder. "You’ve gone soft."

"So!" Lindsey interrupted with forced cheerfulness. "I need a shot."

"I’ll get another round!" Jon exclaimed. "What do you want, Linds? Tequila like usual?"

"Sure, Jon, that would be great." Lindsey smiled, trailing her fingers down his arm. 

"Then I’ll grab a round of tequila for us all."

"I’ll help you carry them," Kane said, and they headed to the bar. Lindsey noticed that Jon put his hand on Kane’s back in order to guide him through the crowd. 

"So, tequila’s your favourite?" Amanda remarked.

"No, but it was involved in our first meeting - funny story - so we like it."

"Unfortunately I don’t," Amanda sighed.

"Bad experience?" Dan asked.

"Nothing in particular, no," Amanda responded.

"I got really drunk off tequila when Jon and I were 17," Dan reminisced. "It was my first time with tequila, but Jon had tried it before. He bet me that I couldn’t drink more than him. I put up a valiant fight but he beat me. He drank more, but I had a worse hangover than him…he seemed relatively fine. Go figure. He still chirps me about it."

"What’s that, buddy?" Jonny asked as he approached with three shots, giving one to Dan, one to Lindsey and keeping one for himself.

"Just telling the girls what an asshole you are," Dan deadpanned.

"Haha, love you, too," Jon replied.

Amanda was staring at one of the drinks in Kane’s hand. “What is that?”

Kane handed it to her. “It’s a Buttery Nipple.”

"Weren’t you guys getting a round of tequila?" she asked, taking it gingerly.

"But you don’t…like…tequila?" Kane stated in a hesitant tone. He glanced at Jon and they seemed to hold some kind of conversation with minute movements of their eyes and eyebrows.

"Awww, thanks Pat, that’s sweet of you to think of that," Amanda cooed, leaning in to kiss him. After a moment, she jerked away, wiping her mouth. 

"You forgot," Lindsey commented with a wry grin. 

"Yeah, that didn’t taste entirely like Patrick so I’m assuming the strange part was Jon."

"Kaner, aren’t you going to defend me?" Jon pouted.

"Of course, babe, you know I’ve got your back."

"Just like I have yours,” Jonny said with a fist bump to Kane’s chest. Kane seemed to pat the same spot reflexively.

"How is it that you can taste that something is off?" Dan asked Lindsey and Amanda, ignoring the spectacle beside him. "That actually makes no sense to me."

Lindsey and Amanda looked at each other and shrugged.

"Let’s just take these shots and wash the flavour away," Amanda suggested.

"To the Hawks winning the Stanley Cup!" Dan called out.

"To Kaner winning the Conn Smythe!" Jon added.

Kane nudged him and said, “To Jonny’s leadership of the Hawks!”

Not to be outdone, Jon countered, “To Kaner, who leads with me!”

Kane yelled back, “To Jonny, the greatest leader in the NHL!”

"To finally drinking these fucking shots," Lindsey interrupted their lovefest. 

They raised their glasses and downed their shots.

"I don’t suppose you grabbed a lemon slice?" Lindsey asked Jon. He gave a sheepish shrug.

"Well, I suppose you can’t be completely perfect," she joked, thinking to herself that the Kane thing was probably the biggest mark against him.


	3. In which Jonny and Kaner play with media expectations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on the Blackhawks Holiday Skate 2014 and Jonny’s (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nV6iw2DiBg) and Patrick’s (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2TdKHxVUFk) resolutions.

"Jonathan, what is your New Year’s resolution going to be? Funny resolutions or real ones: both are acceptable."

"How about ‘Be less serious’?" Jon suggests, chuckling to himself.

"No, no, no, no, no," Lindsey repeats. Why can’t Jon let that go? It’s not cute any more.

"It’s a joke," he explains, huffing out a sigh. 

She wrinkles her nose, showing her hesitation. 

"That’s a good one," the camera person tries to reassure Jon, which seems to be enough to prompt him to continue.

"My New Year’s resolution is to be less serious," Jon says with a deadpan expression. The corners of his mouth twitch up and he asks, "How’s that?" 

"Great, thank you very much."

Once he gets the approval from the camera person, his face contorts into what Lindsey assumes is a grin and they skate away. 

"You just had to make that joke again," Lindsey teases him. "Get some new material, Jon." 

She wonders whether Jon is even paying attention to her; his attention seems to be on something over her right shoulder. 

"Come on, Lindsey, let’s skate this way," Jon says, tugging her forward with one hand. She definitely feels more confident on the ice when she has something to hold. 

"What are you guys doing?" Amanda calls out playfully as they skate past. "You’re interrupting our game!"

Lindsey shrugs, saying, “It’s Jon’s fault!” 

She looks over to him, only to see his grin widen as he nods at Kane. 

"Kaner, have you done the New Year’s resolution filming yet?" 

"Nah, not yet," Kaner replies. "What’s yours?"

Lindsey tugs gently on his hand. He glances over at her before turning back to Kane. 

"I said my resolution is to be less serious," Jon states.

Lindsey waits - no, hopes - for the chirping, but isn’t terribly surprised when it doesn’t come. What the fuck is wrong with Kane?

"Haha, that’s fucking awesome, man. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, right?" 

"Yeah, I know, eh? Hey, your resolution should be something about your maturity!"

"What a great idea, Jonny! What should I say? My resolution is to be more mature? My resolution is to work on my maturity?"

"Patrick," Amanda interrupts gently. "Do you really want to play into their hands like that?"

"Yes," Kane says simply. "It’ll be funny, eh Jonny?"

Lindsey exchanges a glance with Amanda and sees the other woman roll her eyes. What doofuses.

"Yeah, though if you use the word ‘mature’ it might be too obvious," Jon points out.

"Yeah, you’re right. Oh! I know what I’ll say - that it’s to be more ‘focused,’ because they also ask me about that,” Kane says with a chuckle. Jon smiles fondly at Kane and laughs with him.


	4. In which Jonny is committed to Kaner and Lindsey feels left out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This snippet takes place on July 16, the day of Jonny and Kaner's vow renewal ceremony

"I picked him up after his press conference with Kane. What the fuck even was that. Why were they making such a big deal out of their commitment to Chicago and to each other?" She gestures wildly with her left hand as she holds the phone with her right.

She sits down and recounts the day to Dan.

————————————————————————————————————————-

"So, that was…interesting," Lindsey commented mildly as they got into the car.

"Yeah, Kaner and I thought it was a bit over the top, but what can you do," Jon laughed.

Now that it was confirmed he’d be in Chicago for at least the next nine years, wasn’t that a sign that he should settle down?

"They kept talking about commitment," Lindsey observed. "And how you’re both committed to the Blackhawks organization. That was pretty huge."

"Yeah, we are," Jon enthused. "In the end, though, it wasn’t a big commitment at all. Kaner and I knew that we wanted to stay together in Chicago. This city has been incredible to us. Besides, where else would we go? I couldn’t imagine myself in Buffalo."

Lindsey blinked. “Wait. Why Buffalo? Why not Winnipeg?” His hometown seemed the logical choice of team; she remembered reading a columnist’s musings on the topic. 

"Kaner doesn’t want to play for the Jets."

She took a deep breath. “So you would go to Buffalo? For Kane?”

She stopped at the red light and turned her head to face Jon, waiting for his answer.

"Well, Kaner wasn’t gonna go to the Sabres, so it was a moot point."

"But what if he did?"

"We weren’t even negotiating with other teams at this point; that would have happened next year. And now it’s not gonna happen because we’re both staying in Chicago."

"But what if—"

Jon cut her off. “The light’s green.”

She turned her head as the car behind honked. She drove for several seconds in silence.

"So, Jon…what if—"

"Lindsey, could you drop it?"

"Why?"

"Because I don’t know what kind of answer you’re looking for. You’re asking about a hypothetical situation that won’t happen. Kaner and I are going to be in Chicago for the next nine years at least."

"But why—"

"Lindsey," Jon warned, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Just let me finish. Why couldn’t you go to Winnipeg and Patrick could go to Buffalo? I don’t see why it would be a big deal to play on a team without Patrick Kane."

"It would be weird."

"What happened before the Blackhawks? Was it weird then? You’re obviously a talented player without him."

"That was years ago. We’ve been together for the past seven years."

"You played apart for the Olympics. You won gold without him."

"It feels better to win with him."

"What about Brent Seabrook, Duncan Keith, Patrick Sharp, Marian Hossa or Corey Crawford? Or any of the other guys? Would you sign big deals with them? Would you follow them to Bumfuck, Nowhere?" 

"Whoa, calm down," Jon tried to placate her.

"I’ll calm down when you answer the fucking question!"

"Buffalo isn’t Bumfuck, Nowhere, Lindsey. And several of them have signed big deals with the Hawks and will be with us for a long time."

"What do you mean by ‘us’?"

"Uh…the Blackhawks?"

"No, you meant you and ‘Kaner’!"

"Lindsey, what do you want me to say? I thought we dealt with this last year. I know I was kind of drunk, but I do remember Kaner and me clarifying that we’re not fucking."

"Does it really matter? I feel that there is emotional cheating going on here."

"Emotional? What the fuck, Lindsey? _You’re_ being emotional.” Jon paused for a second, then chuckled. “Hey, you know what? You remind me of Kaner. We’ve chirped him about being emotional.”

Just when she thought it couldn’t get any worse, he had to go and say that.

"What the fuck, Jon. You’re so dense. That is not the thing to be telling me now. I remind you of _Kaner_?! You’re dating me, but I remind you of _Kaner_? Why don’t you just date _Kaner_ then!” Lindsey glanced over. “Don’t roll your eyes at me!”

"Lindsey, that’s not even worth me giving you an answer. We’ll talk once you’ve had some time to cool down."

They drove the rest of the way to Jon’s condo in stony silence. Lindsey breathed slowly in and out, counting her breaths.

As she parked, Lindsey took another deep breath. “Listen, Jon, I’m sorry. I know your friendship with Patrick Kane is important. I guess in some ways I was feeling threatened, especially since you’ve known him so long.”

"What does that have to do with anything? I’ve known Dan for even longer," Jon pointed out.

"But you’re different with Dan. I’ve seen you with Dan. We all hang out together. You can’t tell me you see Patrick the same way you see Dan. You’ll never convince me of that."

Jon licked his lips and looked away. “Okay, I’ll grant you that.”

"So anyway, I’ll work on being accepting, but it can’t just be me doing the work."

"What do you want me to work on? You’ve never before had complaints about me as a boyfriend. I don’t know what’s with your weird Patrick Kane fixation." 

Lindsey just laughed incredulously. “Patrick Kane fixation? Me?”

She closed her eyes and tried a different tack.

"Okay, let’s forget that for now. Any other commitments in your future?" Lindsey hinted.

Jon sat there, looking puzzled at the apparent change in subject. “Uhh…no?” 

When Lindsey just stared at him, he shrugged then continued, “I’ve only signed the one deal with Ka—with the Hawks. I’ll let you know, though, if something else comes up.”

"Okay, whatever."

So, he wasn’t looking for more commitment at the moment - or at least there was nothing that came to his mind when it came to commitment and her. She’d just have to wait patiently.


	5. In which Lindsey, Amanda, Jonny and Patrick go on a double date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the various tweets about Kane and Toews having sex. Some of them are from people in the fandom who ship them. Others are from people who hate them who frame it in a negative way. Either way, I find them amusing.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place the evening after the Winter Classic.
> 
> This was written before the interview where Kaner talked about his girlfriend. In this fic, the two couples don't spend much time together; I have no idea what they're like in real life.

"So this is nice, right? All four of us, finally on a double date together. It's only taken, what, two and a half years? We should totally have spent more time together before this," Lindsey says cheerfully. Jon and Kane have been normal. Plus, she's getting along great with Amanda, as she had assumed she would, having spent time with her in a group setting with the other wives and girlfriends.

The topic turns to Twitter and how management eventually wants Jon to get it, for promotional purposes. Kane seems to find the idea hilarious. Even though he has an account, he doesn't tweet very often.

"You know Vinny, right? My douchebag of a friend loves to text me updates from what people say about me on Twitter, since I don't have time to go through all the people who tweet me stuff. He never sends me any of the cool stuff about how I'm a hockey god. Well, and also never any of the shitty stuff about when they should have traded me--"

"They would never trade you!"

"Yeah, Jonny, I know," Kane reassures him, patting his arm and leaving his hand there.

Jon keeps frowning.

"Don't worry, man. We signed those contracts. We're staying and playing together in Chicago for at least the next eight and a half years. I'm not leaving you," Kane says, quite intensely in Lindsey's opinion. More than the situation requires, at least, but it seems to make Jon feel better. With his free hand, Jon covers Kane's hand that's still sitting on his arm and finally smiles. 

"Anyway," Kane coughs. "Back to Twitter."

Lindsey and Amanda exchange glances.

"So he just texts me about what people say about us: about all the anal sex we have and the blow jobs we give each other," he says, wiggling his eyebrows.

Kane glances sideways at the little choking sound coming from Amanda.

"You - you what?" she gasps out.

"It's a _joke_ ," Kane explains. "We don't actually give each other blow jobs in the locker room for good luck. Also, just to clarify, we do not exchange blow jobs in our joint bathroom...we don't even have a joint bathroom."

"Haha, that's what they're saying?" Jon chuckles. He finally releases Kane's hand, who takes another few seconds before removing it from Jon's arm.

"No, I think that's actually a rumour Bicks started. Man, you two shouldn't have been on that same panel. He hasn't stopped chirping me. He can't get enough of the fans' reactions to our 'bromance.' Who am I 'to have inspired such love and devotion in our illustrious Captain?' What the fuck, man. How is this new to him? He's been on the team this long and hasn't noticed that? Anyway, I'm awesome; everyone should love me. Not as much as you do, though - that'd be taking it too far."

"Too far? I don't understand," Amanda says, scrunching her nose.

"It would be so awkward if the whole world loved me as much as Jonny does. I mean, hearing Jonny talk about my hands is pretty amazing; hearing random journalists and beat reporters do it, and it kind of starts to get creepy," Kane explains.

"Oh, Jon can go on and on about your hands, and even your father's hands, and that's fine?" Lindsey says mildly. Her high hopes for the evening were being dashed. Why couldn't they act like normal bros for a mere three hours? Why did they have to ruin everything?

"Well, yeah. I've been hearing it so long that it'd be weird if he stopped. Like what did I do wrong? Why isn't he talking about my hands any longer? What can I do to make him start again?"

"You're actually serious," Lindsey says in wonder. Kane actually spends this much time thinking about what Jon thinks of him. She wonders what Amanda thinks of that. Does Kane talk to her about Jon a lot? 

"Duh. How d'you think I got the idea for the stick-handling video with the pucks?"

"Kaner, I didn't tell you to do it," Jon interjects, puzzled.

"I know, but you hadn't said anything about my hands in a while, so I needed to do something impressive," Kane explains, somewhat sheepishly Lindsey hopes. What else would explain his blushing?

She's finding it fascinating watching them. Jon often turns his head to stare at Kane, while Kane does the same to Jon. However, she notices that they usually never seem to turn their heads at the same time. They remind her of a bittersweet missed connections ad on Craigslist. What would they see if their gazes connected more often? Part of her wishes it would happen just so this feeling of uncertainty would go away.

_They're weird but they're not in love. They're weird but they're not in love._ Lindsey repeats the mantra in her head, believing it less each time.


	6. In which Amanda, Jonny and Patrick hang out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place the Saturday night of the All-Star weekend. This assumes that the players and their families are on separate floors of the hotel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was mostly written before the February 7 interview where Kaner talked about his girlfriend.

Amanda stands outside Patrick's hotel room door, waiting for him to answer her knock. She tries again, in case she was too soft the first time. She hadn't wanted to disturb Patrick's neighbours this late at night.

She puts her ear against the door and hears voices, so either he's in there and he or someone else is talking, or else he left the TV on.

 _One final time_ , she tells herself. 

A few moments later, she hears what sounds like a scramble from inside, and Patrick's voice calls out, "I'm coming! I'm coming!"

There's loud laughter after that. _What's so funny?_

The door opens, but Patrick is still facing the inside of the room. He turns around with a grin, and his eyebrows raise slightly upon seeing her.

"Oh, hey! Come in! What're you doing up here?"

She follows him further into the room. 

"Umm, am I interrupting something?" she asks hesitantly, seeing a shirtless Toews sprawled on his back on the one bed in the room. 

"What's up?" Toews asks, nodding at her. "What are you doing up on this floor?"

"I thought...Patrick might want to..." she trails off, hoping to communicate her point to Patrick. 

"Hang out?" Toews fills in.

"...yes?" she says hesitantly. 

"Hey, sure, I guess if you want," Patrick says. 

Amanda breathes out a small sigh of relief. _Good, they'd finally get some alone time_ \--

"It'll be fun since you don't get to spend much time with Jonny usually," Patrick continues. 

_Oh. So not alone then._

Patrick sits up against the headboard, nudging Toews' side with his foot.

"Don't worry, we won't bore you with too much hockey talk," Toews tells her.

"Oh, that's...great!" Amanda forces cheeriness into her voice. She carefully sits down on the edge of the bed. She hopes that they do limit their hockey talk. She can mostly follow along, but still doesn't know many of the finer nuances and has to turn to ask Pat's father questions throughout the games. "Isn't it just great that you're staying here and we all get to hang out...together?"

"I know," Patrick smiles warmly. "I get to hang out with two of my favourite people at once."

"Kaner, am I actually above your sisters today?" From where Toews is lying on the bed, he reaches over his head and pokes blindly at where Patrick is, hitting the side of his ass, his ribs and then finally his stomach.

Patrick grabs Toews' finger and holds on.

"Well, after my victory this evening, I'm feeling generous, so you've moved up a few spots," Patrick explains.

"You must hate me a lot of the time, then," Toews says. Amanda can't quite tell if he's kidding or if he's being serious.

"No, you mean I must love you a lot, since I beat you so often."

"Aww, I'm touched, Peeksy, but I'm _pretty_ sure I meant you hate me since I come out on top so much."

"No, I _love_ you!"

"You _hate_ me!"

"I love you!"

"You hate me!"

"I love you!"

"You hate me!"

Patrick launches himself from where he's sitting against the headboard to land on top of Toews, who seems surprised and just takes it. 

"Haha!" he crows. "Now I came out on top! I love you!"

As Patrick cellies-- _see, she does know hockey words!_ \--from his position straddling Toews' chest, Amanda sits on the corner of the bed, flabbergasted at the whole situation. What the fuck did she just witness?

She gives a squeak and jumps out of the way as Toews rolls over and pins Patrick to the bed. She notices that his hands aren't pinning Patrick by the wrists--perhaps worried not to get too rough with them--but clasping Patrick's hands against the sheets. Their fingers are intertwined. 

"Now who's on top?"

Patrick bucks up insistently against Toews, his hips rising in a sinuous motion. She feels her cheeks burn red as she realizes what this looks like. She wills Patrick to notice what he's doing, but to no avail.

Toews just plops himself harder against Patrick's lower body. Amanda sees Patrick go limp, and breathes a sigh of relief that this is finally over. Perhaps Toews shares her perception, since Patrick preys on his relaxed attention and rolls him over so he's once again on top.

Will this _never_ end?

"So..." Amanda starts.

Patrick whips around at her voice and loses his balance. His arms flail and he nearly falls off the bed, but Toews lunges to grab him. His momentum nearly carries them both over, but somehow they manage to stay on the bed and land in a heap.

"Uh...I just remembered that I promised my...mother...that I'd, uh, call before bed, so, you know, I should. Leave. Yeah, I should leave to go do that."

She backs away toward the door. Patrick's head pops out of the tangled pile of limbs.

"Aww, that's too bad. We should all go out for lunch tomorrow since you and Jonny didn't get a chance to hang out tonight."

Amanda smiles instead of saying what she would like to say: that maybe she and Jonny could have had a chance to hang out if he and Patrick hadn't been too absorbed in each other to look her way. Sure, it had only been a few minutes, but it was awkward being the third wheel when one of the other two was your boyfriend. 

Finally, she forces out through her smile, "Sure, that sounds lovely. Text me with the time and location. See you two then."

She leaves the two of them to do whatever it is they had planned to do this evening.

As she waits for the elevator, she stops to think. What's even the point of her being here for the All-Star weekend? She feels out of place and left out, since Patrick seems to be spending all his time with Toews. In Chicago, when she has Patrick's attention all to herself, he's usually very attentive. Shouldn't he be the same here? Why is he paying more attention to Toews than to her? She had obviously heard him talk about Toews before, sometimes quite a lot, but that still wasn't quite the same as seeing the two of them interact in person.

She remembers what happened several hours before, at lunch.

————————————————————————————————————————-

"So, the draft was kind of fun. I mean, I don't know many of the guys, but it seemed pretty good," she tried to maintain the conversation.

"Yeah, mm-hmm," Patrick responded, eyes glancing to his phone.

"Who do you think will be the best player on your team?" she asked.

"Well, based on his performance--oh wait, hold on," Patrick interrupted himself, reaching for his phone. He typed away for a few seconds and then put it back down with a grin.

"Everything okay?" she inquired.

"Oh yeah, Jonny was just saying..."

Amanda tuned him out after a moment. It's not that she didn't care what Toews said, but...yeah, she didn't really care what Toews said. She had heard enough to last a lifetime. Patrick, with his near-photographic memory of stats and hockey trivia, also seemed to have an eidetic memory for everything that came out of Toews' mouth.

Luckily, he could go on and on, and smiling and nodding was enough to placate his need for an audience to talk about _Jonny_.

She wondered if Lindsey had to deal with anything similar. Perhaps they should get together and compare notes. She found Lindsey to be funny and engaging when they spent time together for their double date. She made a mental note to ask Patrick to ask Toews for Lindsey's cell number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason, since I edited the tags, they're not acting as they should. Patrick Kane & Jonathan Toews should be the first tag, but AO3 keeps putting Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews first.


	7. In which Jonny is interviewed about his vacations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on guessing how this Blackhawks All Access interview would go before it aired: http://www.csnchicago.com/blackhawks-all-access/Blackhawks%20All%20Access%3A%20How%20Jonathan%20Toews%20spent%20his%20summer%20vacation
> 
> He didn't end up talking about Kaner, so my prediction was off. :P He used "we" a lot to talk about himself and his girlfriend. Though after that segment, the Kane/Toews Evolution wedding video aired. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been putting off updating this with two old tumblr fics (so you've possibly read them already), but then this evening the thought crossed my mind: why not do it on Valentine's Day?

Jonny: “My girlfriend and I went to Italy in 2013. You know, Kaner also wants to go to Italy one day. I had a bit of fun chirping him about it. I took a selfie in front of the Trevi Fountain and texted him that I was wishing for the Cup–oh wait, maybe telling him my wish out loud is what caused us to lose to the Kings…”

Interviewer: “So Jonathan, tell us what else you and your girlfriend did in Italy.”

Jonny: “We had gelato, which was really delicious. My favourite flavours were lemon, pistachio and melon, which was kind of like cantaloupe. You know if Kaner were there he would have stuck to something like vanilla or strawberry.”

Interviewer: “And what flavour did your girlfriend enjoy the most?”

Jonny: “Uh, you know, I don’t remember, it’s been a couple of years.”

Interviewer: “Okay. Then in 2014, you and your girlfriend went to Thailand, right?”

Jonny: “Yeah, that was a great trip. We were over there when I got the news from Pat Brisson that our contract for the next eight years was finalized. I’ll always remember what I was doing when I got that message. Lindsey was a bit annoyed because we had been in line for about half an hour to enter this temple, but they didn’t allow cell phones. So we had to step out of line so I could text Kaner about it.”

Interviewer: “What are some of the differences you noticed between Italy and Thailand?”

Jonny: “You know, people say they want to go to Europe for the culture, but there are a lot of cultural sites to see in Southeast Asia. Take Kaner for example, you picture him on vacation either on a beach, like when he went to Mexico, or in Europe. Could you imagine him in Thailand or in Peru? No sense of adventure, that guy…I’m just kidding, he can be adventurous, too.”


	8. In which Jonny gets married

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by some posts I saw on my dash about Jonny and Lindsey getting married.
> 
> This is meant to be humorous and I don’t actually believe this is how the ceremony would go or even that Kaner would be in his wedding party.
> 
> This could be a future fic or AU in this verse, although since they’re not engaged in real life (as far as we know) it’s not officially part of it (since I’m trying to keep this verse as “close to canon” as I can - the canon being their relationships, not how they necessarily act in them).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted here: http://whydisignuponthisgodforsakensite.tumblr.com/post/121457311477/the-one-in-which-jonny-gets-married

“Wow, she looks hot,” Jonny whispers to Kaner, leaning past David, his best man, in order to get closer to Pat.

“Well, you know I prefer brunettes, but–” he begins.

“Now you do,” Jonny cuts him off. “You did used to prefer blondes.”

“Anyway,” Pat rolls his eyes. “As I was saying, I now prefer brunettes but I can see the appeal.” He tilts his head to indicate Lindsey as she’s slowly making her way up the aisle.

Jonny turns back to watch her. His eyes glance downward for a moment and then he leans toward Patrick again. David takes a step to the side to get out of his way. 

“Hey, Pat,” he whispers. “See how they used red carpeting for the aisle?”

“Um, yeah?”

“D'you remember when we walked down the red carpet together the night you won the Calder?”

“Yeah,” Patrick smiles fondly and Jonny gazes at him in return.

“Hey, you should come with me to next year’s awards ceremony,” Jonny blurts out.

“So sure you’ll be nominated?” Pat teases. “What if this is the year I’ll finally get the Art Ross, or the Hart?”

“You’d really deserve either one,” Jonny says earnestly.

“Thanks,” Patrick grins.

“Or both,” Jonny adds. “You should get both.”

“You should get the Hart,” Pat says. “That’s what I thought last year, too, remember?”

“Still, I think you’ll win it next year,” Jonny says, reaching out to pat him and leaving his hand lying on Patrick’s arm.

“Had another dream about it?” Pat chuckles, squeezing Jonny’s hand and holding it.

“Not yet, but I’ll visualize it for you,” Jonny declares.

“And don’t worry, Jonny, if I go I’d take you with me,” Pat says.

“It’s a date,” Jonny declares, beaming at Patrick.

“Though I think you’ll definitely get nominated for the Selke, so you’d get your own invitation and could go with whoever,” Patrick says, leaving unmentioned that Jonny had taken Lindsey in the past.

“Pat, you know I’d choose to go with you. There’s no one else I’d rather be with,” Jonny says, eyes misting slightly. He turns over his hand, still enclosed within Patrick’s, and clasps Pat’s fingers tightly.

Awkward giggles break out among Jonny’s best man and ushers. Jonny blinks and looks past Patrick to see David, Dan and Seabs gesturing with their heads at something–Jonny turns and realizes that Lindsey has reached the top of the aisle and is standing there frowning at him, lips pursed.

“Oh! Sorry,” he apologizes. Patrick drops his hand.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also on Tumblr as whydisignuponthisgodforsakensite - come chat!
> 
> I'd really like to hear what people think. I'm a huge Jonny/Kaner shipper and for the most part don't read anything other than Kane/Toews. It hurt my heart that this idea even occurred to me to write, since I tend to ignore their real-life situation...
> 
> This was kind of a compromise, keeping their girlfriends but having them love each other the most. I understand that it's probably a compromise that doesn't work for many people.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The One Where Amanda and Lindsey Talk About Sex.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3929149) by [thirdwaveachs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thirdwaveachs/pseuds/thirdwaveachs)




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